Dan and I spent this past weekend in Charleston for a Marriage retreat given by the chaplain services at Shaw AFB. We really enjoyed our time in Charleston, and we enjoyed the retreat. Our only regret is that we both forgot to bring our cameras!

The chaplain showed several comical video clips. This was one of my favorites:

One session covered “Family Rules”. These are rules or expectations that we adpoted from the households where we grew up. Each couple was asked to discuss the following categories: Family Traditions, Communication, Forgiveness, Sex, Fun/celebrations, Conflict/fights, Money, Love, Religion, and Separation.  This exercise reminded me and Dan of our pre-marital counseling. One of the biggest challenges when getting married is to try and meld two different backgrounds, because each family and household does things differently.

Another exercise we did was choosing 3 traits from the list below, that we thought described our mate. Then we were discuss how we thought those were positive things, since all personality traits have a positive and negative side to them.

Loving, Sensitive, Brave, Intelligent, Generous, Loyal, Strong, Sexy, Creative, Fun, Supportive, Funny, Considerate, Organized, Resourceful, Cheerful, Elegant, Playful, Expressive, Reliable, Graceful, Active, Adventurous, Careful, Reserved, Practical, Dependable, Nurturing, Kind, Protective, Responsible, Self-Controlled, Faithful, Witty, Calm, Assertive.

Each couple was given a copy of Gary Chapmans The Five Love Languages. Dan and I found when we took the Love Languages Profile, that our answers had changed from when we took this profile test before we were married. Dan’s primary love language was physical touch, followed very closely behind by acts of service and quality time. Eliza’s primary language was quality time, with a tie in second place for physical touch and words of affirmation.

Another session suggested that every couple needs “5 magic hours” each week. This is based on a study by Dr. John Gottman. This time can include taking 2 minutes when parting for the day, 20 minutes for reunions at the end of each work day, 5 minutes every day of the week to admire or appreciate one another, 5 minutes each weekday for affection, and a weekly 2 hour date. All of that would total 5 hours.

We learned that we are to value our spouse as the most important person in our life.

A good way to communicate with our spouse is to complete this sentence: “When ____________, I feel _____________ because…….”

“What I want is _______________.”

If you fight to be right, your marriage will lose. If you raise your voice, wisdom ends. If an argument gets heated, take a break (and agree on when to talk again.) If you argue in public, you disrespect and devalue your spouse.

Overall, it was a great weekend! We met some nice couples, who also work at Shaw. We spent time learning and talking about our marriage. And, we had a wonderful date in Charleston on Saturday. We walked around the Battery (White Point Gardens), we ate gelato near River Front Park, we sampled Pralines, walked through the newly renovated Market, took a Carriage Tour of Charleston (awesome!), and we ate supper at Tommy Condon’s Irish restaurant. Sunday morning before heading back to Sumter, we also had brunch at Husk restaurant. That was quite a treat!